• Found a backdoor into the unpublished Sidechat API. Made a functioning “Sidechat for Web” called Slidechat where people can read top posts and comments on their computer.
• Users can select a theme to make it look like they’re working.
• I think people would legitimately use this to read Sidechat in class.
• Try it on your computer! TRY IT OUT
• How this benefits the Lampoon:
  • Easy potential for advertisements between posts.
  • Allows for future pranks, since we control the source of truth (can edit how any post appears on our end).
  • Possible collaboration with Sidechat itself. (Some Lampoon members may have connections within Sidechat.)
  • Nods to the Lampoon — pull-to-refresh Ibis spinner and “Ibis” as one of the anonymous names used.
  • Contributes to the important goal of making Harvard students more distracted in class.

• Windows-XP themed program for scraping email addresses from websites and generating advertising outreach emails based on scraped page contents.
• Each outreach email is unique and personalized based on page metadata — e.g., entering jplicks.com will generate an email about promoting new flavors.
• “Turbospreemail” allows for entering a list of URLs and generating a spreadsheet with email addresses and emails to send.
• Try it yourself! TRY IT OUT
• How this benefits the Lampoon:
  • Spreemail and Turbospreemail can save biz team hours of manually finding contact information and writing personalized messages.
  • Can discover difficult-to-find email addresses through web scraping.
  • Mo’ emails → mo’ ads. Mo’ ads → mo’ money. And mo’ money → mo’ problems. Er, I mean, less problems.

• Think it takes effort to edit photos? Forgedit!
• Forgedit is a Chrome extension that can edit existing photos through text prompts.
• Watch a demo! WATCH DEMO
• How this benefits the Lampoon:
  • This makes it dramatically easier for art/lit/etc. to generate spoof images such as those used for the Crimsom website.
  • It can also do style transfer, so we can take photos and make them look like pencil sketches, oil paintings, etc.
  • Potentially can work with advertisers to edit their images for a fee.
  • Brings us one step closer a post-truth society.
• Credit: idea based on the paper Imagic: Text-Based Real Image Editing with Diffusion Models by Google Research et al and a Python notebook by Justin Pinkney.

• Clone websites and immediately edit them within your browser.
• Just click and type — no tech board required. (Er, one tech board member required if you want this.)
• Try it yourself! TRY IT OUT
• How this benefits the Lampoon:
  • Any member can clone and edit a site in about 30 seconds.
  • Brings us two steps closer a post-truth society.

• Okay, but what if you want to deploy the site you just spent 10 seconds making with Cyclone?
• That should also take about 10 seconds with a custom deployment service, Cyclone Deploy.
• Just select your Cyclone bundle, generate a URL, and share it. Or, forward to it from any domain registrar.
• Try it yourself! TRY IT OUT
• How this benefits the Lampoon:
  • If a tree falls in the forest but nobody hears it, does it make a sound?
  • If a site is cloned but not deployed, was it really cloned?
  • I don’t know, go ask a Phil major. It doesn’t matter because with Cyclone Deploy, deploying a cloned site is easier than… cutting down a tree? Going to the forest? I forgot where I was going with this analogy.

• The above three tools work together particularly nicely.
• Wow, it’s almost like that was on purpose.
• Let’s make a spoof of the Crimson's Fifteen Minutes, with a custom-generated image, in about two minutes of work.
• Watch a demo! WATCH DEMO

• To attract potential advertisers — or make inbound easier — a new advertiser-focused website that gives stats about the Lampoon.
• Custom-designed header scrolls through past Lampoon covers and follows mouse with animation.
• “Upload Your Design” section lets advertisers preview how their ads could look in print, on the web, or on the mobile app — hey, is that foreshadowing?
• Static site that could be easily brought into existing tech stack as compiled HTML/CSS/JS.
• Try it yourself! TRY IT OUT
• How this benefits the Lampoon:
  • May increase inbound communications if the site is made public, or help with existing outreach by fostering a sense of legitimacy.
  • Can help with SEO if people are searching for “Harvard magazine advertising” or similar.
  • And no, the name “radvertise” does not appear anywhere on the website.

• Made an app for the Lampoon, mirroring pieces and artworks on the site.
• This primarily serves as another advertising offering.
• “Mobile-first” is a common zeitgeist right now, so offering on-the-go advertising could be compelling.
• How this benefits the Lampoon:
  • More potential for ads.
  • Possibly more interactive features in the future, like paid wallpapers, caption contests (à la NYer), etc.
  • And no, the name “lappoon” does not appear anywhere in the app either.

• Look, if you had access to the Crimson's mailing lists, you would probably also want a nice web app that lets you read and search them.
• Not saying I have either of those things though.
• How this may or may not benefit the Lampoon:
  • Makes reading email archives much easier.
  • Converts messages to plain text and removes image trackers.

• Made a complete working spoof of the Datamatch website, including profiles, survey, etc.
• Datamatch (the real one) isn’t currently public, so I worked based on screenshots and interviews I was able to find online. Design can be updated as needed if they change theirs.
• Filler survey questions can easily be swapped out to either (a) match Datamatch when they go live or (b) be filled in with whatever we want.
• Functioning match reveal system.
• Try it yourself! TRY IT OUT
• How this benefits the Lampoon:
  • Will let the Lampoon quickly spin up a Datamatch prank come February.
  • Will help us find love.
  • Well maybe that’s just a me problem.
  • Will help me find love.

• Discovered a 2,816-digit-long prime number in honor of the Harvard Lampoon.
• The number of atoms in the universe is a mere 82 digits long.
• This is not just any prime, though. This is The Lampoon Prime. It starts with 44 — the Lampoon address; 1876 — the year the Lampoon was founded; 1909 — the year the Castle was constructed; and 2022 — the year the number was generated. The number of digits is 44×((4+4)×(4+4)) = 2,816. And it looks like the Ibis when you print it out on a sheet of paper.
• See for yourself! CHECK IT OUT
• Why is this useful?
  • Prime numbers do have uses in cybersecurity, such as for hashing passwords.
  • You could put it on a shirt.
  • But, let’s be honest, it’s not really how you use the prime number that matters. It’s just the size. This prime is really big. And it’s nice to look at, too.

• Currently, the Lampoon backend assumes that all authenticated users are Lampoon staff.
• This makes sense for a future world in which LampoonCorp acquires all other companies, but alas, we are not there yet. Added support for non-Lampoon users and created a sign-up page for new registrations.

• Added digital subscriptions through Stripe.
• Unsubscribed users see a big button to subscribe and are taken to a Lampoon-themed Stripe checkout page.
• The Lampoon can easily edit the subscription price and frequency if needed (monthly vs. annual).
• Added support for siphoning all Lampoon subscription revenue to my offshore bank account.
• Watch a demo! WATCH DEMO

• To encourage users to subscribe, I added some handy notifications for unsubscribed users. These include AMBER Alert, BeReal, iMessage, etc.
• When clicked, users are taken to the subscription page. Subscribers don’t see these notifications.

• Added an “is subscribers only” field to each work, and updated the featured/trending lists to show the right posts to subscribers and non-subscribers.
• This allows the Lampoon to limit certain pieces or artworks to subscribers only.

• Added a button for users to view the full issue of a given magazine if they’re subscribed.
• Embeds a PDF through Issuu or Google Drive.

• Added support for optional Twitter, Facebook, and Instragram profiles for board members.

• Added an option for authors and artists to keep their profiles available but exclude from search engine querying, in case they want a portfolio but not for it to be listed on Google.

• Improved SEO by adding meta and OpenGraph tags to page headers.

• I added a history section to the Lampoon website where viewers can read about a “Day in the Life” of the Lampoon.
• Beneficial for the noble goal of preserving the Lampoon’s legacy as well as for the even nobler goal of SEO optimization.

• Apparently, my first history page looked like PBS Kids.
• Hmm, that sounds like something that someone who watches PBS Kids would say. Well, I trust the experts. Redesigned history page to look more modern and match existing Lampoon branding.

• I made a spoof of the Crimson 2026 freshman survey, with fake charts and explanations.
• Try it yourself! TRY IT OUT

• I made a website to generate automatic DJ mixes of two songs by matching the vocals from one with the backing track of another.
• This is not very useful for the Lampoon, but it was an early project I did for the comp, and it has produced some certified bangers.
• On the flip side, manual song mash-ups on YouTube get millions of views. So maybe we institute Lampoon Records and start churning out automated content.

• I hacked the Crimson’s Asana board.
• They stopped using it in 2018, so there's not much to glean from this.
• What I can tell you is that someone named Jamie is really bad at meeting deadlines. William, on the other hand, had a very productive '18.

• I also found a backdoor into the Crimson’s unreleased GraphQL API.
• Since this mostly exposes the same content as their website, it doesn’t provide much interesting information.
• On second thought, does the Crimson’s website even provide interesting information?

• Xiglrmgeppc, xli jmvwx xlmrk M hmh jsv gsqqt aew wspzi xli gmtliv ex xli xst sj xli Peqtssr aifwmxi.
• Wlsyxsyx Wsyvgi Qewxiv.

• I got access to some Crimson files that say “Private and Confidential” all over them.
• In the spirit of my two favorite virtues, I have redacted some details using Scratch-n-Sniff technology.
• (I.e., you may or may not be able to hover over the following redacted parts to reveal them.)
• Here’s the complete production schedule for how the Crimson has its print newspapers made:
  • At 2PM, the Managing Editor sends a print order with a page count, but without finished designs for the next day’s paper to Graphic Developments, Inc..
  • Graphic Developments, Inc. is a printing press in Hanover, Massachusetts that expects two emails from the Crimson for a print.
  • The email address of the current Managing Editor for the Crimson is jasper.goodman@thecrimson.com.
  • At 4PM, the News team chooses stories and photos. There will be at least 5 of them.
  • At 7PM, the Design team sketches the page layout, and at8PM they design the paper using Adobe InDesign.
  • At 9PM, the Editors meet at 14 Plympton Street to proof using Google Docs while moving articles into InDesign.
  • At 4AM, the President and Managing Editor send Graphic Developments, Inc. a file in PDF format.
  • The email address of the current President for the Crimson is raquel.coronelluribe@thecrimson.com.
• Hmm, that’s cool, but what are their financials like?
  • Per latest estimates, 1x/week printing costs $30K annually.
  • A paper shortage may increase costs. Bummer!
  • Most print ad revenue is generated from the Commencement issue and targeted pitches during back-to-school season and college application season.
  • Only 1/3 of copies printed are picked up.
  • The Crimson made $38K on print advertising in Q1 of 2019 but only $7K in Q1 2021, and $1.8K in Q1 2022. Honestly, I’m starting to feel like these Crimson hacks are punching down.
• Okay, but they also do digital, right?
  • Good point. Print advertising is supported by digital advertising for $110K in Q1 2019, $61K in Q1 2021, and $78K in Q1 2022.
  • The site gets 241,000 page views a week, which average 1:15 in duration.
  • 58% of readers are on mobile.
  • The most-read article last month was the Harvey Mansfield interview followed by the Leverett deans’ departure announcement.
  • Facebook and Twitter are responsible for 85% of social traffic.
  • The Crimson is planning a long-term project to redesign the homepage and develop a mobile app using a new GraphQL backend — hey wouldn't it be cool if they accidentally made that publicly available.
  • The Crimson takes the security of their technology infrastructure very seriously.

Thank you for your consideration of my packet for the Lampoon Tech Board. I hope that my updates to HarvardLampoon.com, standalone projects, and cybersecurity efforts show my commitment and enthusiasm for the Harvard Lampoon. Please let me know if you have any questions about my submission, or if you would like me to tell you about the second major vulnerability I found in your website.

• Standalone Projects
  • Slidechat
  • Spreemail
  • Forgedit
  • Cyclone
  • Cyclone Deploy
• Intermission — Hacks
  • Hack 1 — the Lampoon
  • Hack 2 — the Crimson
• Standalone Projects, Continued
  • Radvertise
  • Lappoon
  • Cremail
  • Datamatch Spoof
  • Lampoon Prime
• Website Improvements
  • User model upgrade
  • Digital subscriptions
  • Subscribe notifications
  • Confetti
  • Subscriber-only pieces
  • Subscriber-only full magazine view
  • Social profiles for board
  • Search-engine option for board members
  • SEO improvements
  • History 1
  • History 2
• Cutting-room Floor
  • Freshman Survey Spoof
  • Auxfam
  • Lampoon Cipher
  • Crimson Asana
  • Crimson GQL
• Encore